If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
