sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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