Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
