remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
