If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
