The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires