wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...