He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.