so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
