See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
