my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
