Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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