And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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