Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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