It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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