it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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