first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
