Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
this boner is exhausting
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
