dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
