in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Can I color on your dick again?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
