dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
