i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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