I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
