You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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