Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she smelled like a LAN party
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
