I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
