He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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