so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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