i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
