if you like me you must not know who I am
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
