i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
tell your sister to shave her snatch
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
