the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
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