So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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