he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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