8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
