i was born a porn star she said
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
