puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
