But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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