you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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