get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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