____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
