I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
