Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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