what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
How does it feel to date your dad?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
