Whoa Z and x make the same sound
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
