so that wasnt chicken after all
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
