I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
