So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
