I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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