I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just want to make out with him forever
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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