dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
