Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
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