I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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