Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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