the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
