I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Someone came in the potted fern
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
