a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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