Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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