I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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