What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
