i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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