While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
