I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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