I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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