He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
