she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
this boner is exhausting
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
