I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
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Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
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Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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