I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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