dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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