My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
