sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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