Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
