why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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