Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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