We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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