I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
