Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
