im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
